I can't help it. I just do. If there's a trip coming up, I start researching places to eat, things to see and do. We go out to dinner, I've already planned out what to wear (depending on the weather) and will have already checked out the menu online. Upcoming birthdays, the gifts are sitting on the table ready to be wrapped. Christmas? I'm usually done shopping by October.
This is what I do.
While pregnant, is it a surprise that I thought of everything? When the Harry Potter movie comes out in July, I will need a baby sitter. If the fire alarm goes off in our building, I will need to take Dylan outside and possibly will need to calm her down. When I shower and my hubby is not home, where can I put her so that I can still check on her or go to her within seconds if I need to? I was ready.
All these things I over planned for... useless, because my daughter is gone. Now, thanks to my own crazy brain thinking overtime, everything - and I mean EVERYTHING - makes me think of Dylan. The Harry Potter commercials, the fire alarms, just plain showering. I can't walk through the house without thinking about her. Where her bassinet would have been. Where she would have played. The empty spot where we had stored her stroller.
Her things are now in storage... maybe one day she will have a little brother or sister who will use them. For now, they are carefully wrapped and put away.
I'm trying to move on in my life without my baby, but it's so damn hard when it's not only the physical things that trigger reminders, but just every day life that I mentally prepared for that eat into me.